Felicity Braddock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
allmydreams) wrote2009-08-28 11:38 pm
allmydreams) wrote2009-08-28 11:38 pm
Entry tags:
[SR] Jessica Zafra quote
[Italicized quote from RP with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aplayfulpup. Becca is waterdoesntwork.]
“The question is not why fools fall in love. It is expected of them. When smart people fall in love - that's the problem.”
“There’s really only one person I trust.”
It shouldn’t have stung this much. She should have seen it coming. She did see it coming, in fact, but she had thought the slap would come if (when) she actually fell for him. She was expecting things to be hard when it came to the more complicated stuff. She didn’t expect it to come from what, in her mind, was one of the simplest things in their relationship. The thing she had taken for granted. It wasn’t a matter of him not loving her, it was a matter of him not trusting her, and that—that came like a gut punch.
She could have lived with him not loving her. That wasn’t what their relationship was, and she wasn’t deluded enough to believe otherwise. She was aware that there would be a point where they couldn’t have what they did anymore, but she thought it would be because she wasn’t enough of a masochist to be in love with someone who didn’t love her. She didn’t expect the sucker punch to come from left field over something as simple as trust. She’d never realized how much that mattered until that very moment, and the fact that he couldn’t, he couldn’t manage even that kind of feeling for her, sent her crashing very quickly.
It wasn’t even the physical part of the equation, even though that one made the most sense. Aaron wasn’t exactly a small guy, and she wasn’t exactly a kung-fu champion, so she was trusting him beyond his word not to hurt her. But it was more than that. She’d told him personal things, emotional things, because she thought they were friends. That they trusted each other and were friends and she could say those things to him. And now she was starting to question whether or not he even cared.
Felicity never minded being used. She was using them on some level, so that was fair, as far as she was concerned. It was when she actually started to feel used that she started to hate the whole thing, and here, she couldn’t help the bile that climbed up the back of her throat at the idea that that’s what their relationship was. She’d never had any delusions, but now she actually had to face it, that just made her feel dirty. She was just somewhere to stick his dick, which was all she really was to any guy she’d ever been with and—she was sick of it. She wanted to know when it was her turn. She wanted to know when the guy would actually want her for a change.
Pulling her knees up to her chest, she placed her phone to her ear, praying silently to get his voicemail as oppose to actually talking to him. It was a few rings before she got her wish, hearing the brief greeting on his machine before the monotone beep! that signaled her turn to talk.
“Hey, it’s me. Look, about tonight—something came up and I’m not gonna make it. It’s a work thing, and I’m actually gonna be pretty swamped for a while, so it might be better if you didn’t come around. I’m just—not gonna have the time, and you’ll probably have more fun on your own than having me fall asleep on you or something. So—I’ll see you around.”
She hung up the phone a second later, burying her face in her knees and trying to pull herself together. It was a total lie, and she knew it, but she wasn’t about to tell him the truth. It would just make her sound needy and desperate and she wasn’t in the mood to sink to another low. Not at the moment. It was quiet for a few minutes, before she heard footsteps coming from the direction of the kitchen.
“Blowing off tall, dark and muscley?” Becca frowned as she leaned in the doorway of the living room. “That doesn’t sound like you. Everything okay?”
Felicity paused for a moment, before shaking her head. “It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not stupid,” Becca said cautiously, making her way closer. “What is it?”
She paused again, before shrugging. “What it always is. Nothing ever changes.”
711 words
aplayfulpup. Becca is waterdoesntwork.]“The question is not why fools fall in love. It is expected of them. When smart people fall in love - that's the problem.”
“There’s really only one person I trust.”
It shouldn’t have stung this much. She should have seen it coming. She did see it coming, in fact, but she had thought the slap would come if (when) she actually fell for him. She was expecting things to be hard when it came to the more complicated stuff. She didn’t expect it to come from what, in her mind, was one of the simplest things in their relationship. The thing she had taken for granted. It wasn’t a matter of him not loving her, it was a matter of him not trusting her, and that—that came like a gut punch.
She could have lived with him not loving her. That wasn’t what their relationship was, and she wasn’t deluded enough to believe otherwise. She was aware that there would be a point where they couldn’t have what they did anymore, but she thought it would be because she wasn’t enough of a masochist to be in love with someone who didn’t love her. She didn’t expect the sucker punch to come from left field over something as simple as trust. She’d never realized how much that mattered until that very moment, and the fact that he couldn’t, he couldn’t manage even that kind of feeling for her, sent her crashing very quickly.
It wasn’t even the physical part of the equation, even though that one made the most sense. Aaron wasn’t exactly a small guy, and she wasn’t exactly a kung-fu champion, so she was trusting him beyond his word not to hurt her. But it was more than that. She’d told him personal things, emotional things, because she thought they were friends. That they trusted each other and were friends and she could say those things to him. And now she was starting to question whether or not he even cared.
Felicity never minded being used. She was using them on some level, so that was fair, as far as she was concerned. It was when she actually started to feel used that she started to hate the whole thing, and here, she couldn’t help the bile that climbed up the back of her throat at the idea that that’s what their relationship was. She’d never had any delusions, but now she actually had to face it, that just made her feel dirty. She was just somewhere to stick his dick, which was all she really was to any guy she’d ever been with and—she was sick of it. She wanted to know when it was her turn. She wanted to know when the guy would actually want her for a change.
Pulling her knees up to her chest, she placed her phone to her ear, praying silently to get his voicemail as oppose to actually talking to him. It was a few rings before she got her wish, hearing the brief greeting on his machine before the monotone beep! that signaled her turn to talk.
“Hey, it’s me. Look, about tonight—something came up and I’m not gonna make it. It’s a work thing, and I’m actually gonna be pretty swamped for a while, so it might be better if you didn’t come around. I’m just—not gonna have the time, and you’ll probably have more fun on your own than having me fall asleep on you or something. So—I’ll see you around.”
She hung up the phone a second later, burying her face in her knees and trying to pull herself together. It was a total lie, and she knew it, but she wasn’t about to tell him the truth. It would just make her sound needy and desperate and she wasn’t in the mood to sink to another low. Not at the moment. It was quiet for a few minutes, before she heard footsteps coming from the direction of the kitchen.
“Blowing off tall, dark and muscley?” Becca frowned as she leaned in the doorway of the living room. “That doesn’t sound like you. Everything okay?”
Felicity paused for a moment, before shaking her head. “It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not stupid,” Becca said cautiously, making her way closer. “What is it?”
She paused again, before shrugging. “What it always is. Nothing ever changes.”
711 words