Felicity Braddock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
allmydreams) wrote2009-11-01 07:39 pm
allmydreams) wrote2009-11-01 07:39 pm
Entry tags:
maybe one day you'll understand [I don't want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand]
[So not binding it’s ridiculous. I just—had to get it out of my head.]
She wasn’t miserable.
When most people considered her position, they thought she should be. Single mother who’s son’s father bailed on her wasn’t exactly a recipe for happily ever after, but it wasn’t horrible. Not if you considered all the circumstances. This kind of life wasn’t something he could handle, and she was okay with that. Because she loved him, she knew him, and she saw it coming.
She told him after the wedding. She didn’t want anything at all to make Jake and Grace’s day awkward and that took a lot of the pressure off. It was hard, though, because she desperately wanted to tell him. She never had wanted something as much as she wanted the little person growing inside her, and she wanted to share it with him because they had done this. Together. Every time he touched her, every time he kissed her, every time his hand absently grazed her stomach where that little life was growing she wanted to just blurt it out. Let him know what he was touching. Let him know what was there. But she didn’t.
She kept her mouth shut, just until a few days after the wedding, and then she told him. She didn’t get upset until after he had left, telling her that this wasn’t something he could deal with, and even then she wasn’t truly upset. She had had a strong feeling that this was the way things were going to happen before this even got started but it still stung a little. Expectations didn’t stop her from wanting him to be happy about this too. But then again, in their relationship, all she ever did was want, for different reasons and different things at different times.
She hadn’t been on the East Coast in three years. Her job, plus Michael had kept her busy, and while she could come out for holidays, she didn’t have the heart to. If his parents were willing, they came out to Washington to see her, and see their grandson, and that happened often enough for her taste. But this year, they had insisted she come home for Thanksgiving, and home was where she was. Or, at least, a short distance from home. All of the little ones could do with some fresh air, so they were out at the local park, bundled up and settled for brisker air.
“Mommy, I’m warm already,” Michael whined as she buttoned up his coat, and she gave him a look before tugging on his sleeves lightly.
“And if you take it off, you’ll be too cold. Better to be warm than cold, little man.” She kissed his forehead lightly, before nudging him off in the direction of his sandbox where his cousin was waiting. She leaned back on the bench next to her sister, watching as Grace balanced the little girl in her lap. Marie was just starting to get the hang of sitting up, so whenever she got her chance she would look around, wide blue eyes trying to take in everything she could. “She’s getting so big,” Felicity grinned, reaching out and letting Marie wrap her tiny baby fingers around her own.
“Her?” Grace said with an eyebrow raise, before nodding out to where their two sons were playing in the sandbox. “Look at Michael. He’s probably tripled in size since the last time I saw him.” She paused for a moment, shifting her daughter on her lap. “You know, it’s kind of not fair that we never get to see him because you’re hiding from Aaron.”
“I’m not hiding. It’s a good job in California with good benefits.”
“That’s far far away from the guy who you would hop into bed with if he even so much as looked at you the right way, regardless of what happened when you told him about Michael.”
Felicity sighed slightly, before running a hand over her face and leaning back against the seat. “What do you want me to do, Grace? He didn’t want this. He never wanted this. He hasn’t contacted me in three years. I’m over it.”
“No, you’re not. You’re never going to be over him.”
“Why, because I loved him?”
“Because you still love him. Which is pretty masochistic, even for you.”
Felicity shook her head slightly as she leaned back on the bench. “I’m not a masochist.”
“You need another guy in your life. Your son needs a father figure.”
“My son is fine. I’m fine. I’m not miserable,” she replied, giving her sister a look, flashing Michael a smile as he ran back over to her and crawled up into her lap.
“Mommy, Mommy, look! I’ve got a cadapillar!” He slowly opened his fist in front of her, showing her the wiggly, hairy bug.
“Yeah, you do. Look at that.”
No, she wasn’t miserable. In fact, she was pretty sure she was pretty damn happy.
816 words
She wasn’t miserable.
When most people considered her position, they thought she should be. Single mother who’s son’s father bailed on her wasn’t exactly a recipe for happily ever after, but it wasn’t horrible. Not if you considered all the circumstances. This kind of life wasn’t something he could handle, and she was okay with that. Because she loved him, she knew him, and she saw it coming.
She told him after the wedding. She didn’t want anything at all to make Jake and Grace’s day awkward and that took a lot of the pressure off. It was hard, though, because she desperately wanted to tell him. She never had wanted something as much as she wanted the little person growing inside her, and she wanted to share it with him because they had done this. Together. Every time he touched her, every time he kissed her, every time his hand absently grazed her stomach where that little life was growing she wanted to just blurt it out. Let him know what he was touching. Let him know what was there. But she didn’t.
She kept her mouth shut, just until a few days after the wedding, and then she told him. She didn’t get upset until after he had left, telling her that this wasn’t something he could deal with, and even then she wasn’t truly upset. She had had a strong feeling that this was the way things were going to happen before this even got started but it still stung a little. Expectations didn’t stop her from wanting him to be happy about this too. But then again, in their relationship, all she ever did was want, for different reasons and different things at different times.
She hadn’t been on the East Coast in three years. Her job, plus Michael had kept her busy, and while she could come out for holidays, she didn’t have the heart to. If his parents were willing, they came out to Washington to see her, and see their grandson, and that happened often enough for her taste. But this year, they had insisted she come home for Thanksgiving, and home was where she was. Or, at least, a short distance from home. All of the little ones could do with some fresh air, so they were out at the local park, bundled up and settled for brisker air.
“Mommy, I’m warm already,” Michael whined as she buttoned up his coat, and she gave him a look before tugging on his sleeves lightly.
“And if you take it off, you’ll be too cold. Better to be warm than cold, little man.” She kissed his forehead lightly, before nudging him off in the direction of his sandbox where his cousin was waiting. She leaned back on the bench next to her sister, watching as Grace balanced the little girl in her lap. Marie was just starting to get the hang of sitting up, so whenever she got her chance she would look around, wide blue eyes trying to take in everything she could. “She’s getting so big,” Felicity grinned, reaching out and letting Marie wrap her tiny baby fingers around her own.
“Her?” Grace said with an eyebrow raise, before nodding out to where their two sons were playing in the sandbox. “Look at Michael. He’s probably tripled in size since the last time I saw him.” She paused for a moment, shifting her daughter on her lap. “You know, it’s kind of not fair that we never get to see him because you’re hiding from Aaron.”
“I’m not hiding. It’s a good job in California with good benefits.”
“That’s far far away from the guy who you would hop into bed with if he even so much as looked at you the right way, regardless of what happened when you told him about Michael.”
Felicity sighed slightly, before running a hand over her face and leaning back against the seat. “What do you want me to do, Grace? He didn’t want this. He never wanted this. He hasn’t contacted me in three years. I’m over it.”
“No, you’re not. You’re never going to be over him.”
“Why, because I loved him?”
“Because you still love him. Which is pretty masochistic, even for you.”
Felicity shook her head slightly as she leaned back on the bench. “I’m not a masochist.”
“You need another guy in your life. Your son needs a father figure.”
“My son is fine. I’m fine. I’m not miserable,” she replied, giving her sister a look, flashing Michael a smile as he ran back over to her and crawled up into her lap.
“Mommy, Mommy, look! I’ve got a cadapillar!” He slowly opened his fist in front of her, showing her the wiggly, hairy bug.
“Yeah, you do. Look at that.”
No, she wasn’t miserable. In fact, she was pretty sure she was pretty damn happy.
816 words